This is one of those posts in which my heart is brimming with much to say and much to express but the question is - where to start? Have I ever mentioned that my favorite bloggers are the ones that tell funny stories? And have I ever mentioned that the one thing I genuinely struggle to do whilst blogging is to tell funny stories? LOL! I mean, sometimes I sit here and think 'You've got to be kidding me. I know something funny happened to me this week. Something quirky. Some sort of picture perfect / you-see-it-coming kind of story that perfectly illustrates a point. Nope, still nothing. So, we'll go back to what we know best...serious.' LOL! Maybe I should start asking God to give me funny stories!
No - the truth is that in the midst of finding straggler pantry months (which are actually worms before they become moths: gag a million gags) this week, doing the dishes what felt like one hundred times, dealing with a two year old that has the most precious highs and some interesting lows, and getting my hair cut to make me feel more like the real me, the Lord has been speaking. Yes, yes He has been speaking. Not loudly mind you, but quietly.
Do you remember me mentioning a few posts back, that if there is one thing I think He wants of me - it is my voice? If you don't, no biggie. I won't go into it all now, but that's what I have felt since I was about sixteen. Somehow putting it out there to the blogging world though - that I felt I was called to be a voice - opened up a whole world of crazy. I think that's what actually started to make blogging in and of itself seem so intense. All of the sudden, this pressure to say something that mattered via blogging took over. The truth is, sometimes I type things that resonate and sometimes it falls flat. The falling flat started to feel terrifying rather than just 'eh, it happens.' The pressure!
But, God is really nice. Have you ever thought that of Him? He was nice to me one morning and literally woke me up to His truth. It was one of those mornings where I woke up to a Scripture rolling over and over inside of me. Honestly, that doesn't happen that often, so I pay attention when it does! These were the words reverberating inside of me:
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and he eat with him, and him with me."
Revelation 3:20
Wow! I mean, if I am honest, one of my heart's true desires is to become more adept at memorizing Scripture. It's been years upon years since I have really done it. I hadn't thought of this verse at all recently, it was out of the blue, but word for word. Do you think He had my number? I think so :).
It's just never ever about how good we are at anything. It's not about how consistent of a track record I can build up. It's not about how articulate I can be. It's not about how well we can perform! It's about Him wanting to demonstrate His strength - a particular facet of Himself - through us. It's about Him! Duh, right?
The reminder of that particular part of His truth calmed me so much that morning. I had been focusing inward so much and allowing the pressure of performance to creep upwards, slowly but surely. He broke through all of that in an instant. In a moment He reminded me that it is HE who knocks. He who initiates. And that He DOES knock and if I simply listen for that voice and open up...not only will I hear Him, but He will hang out with me.
Since then, the pressure tries to creep back up occasionally, but it doesn't stick. It is Him that is the voice. I'm only a reflection of His voice and I am way way human. There will continue to be occasional (or more frequent lol!) flat moments and I will miss the mark. BUT, He is knocking and in the end, that's all that really matters. He is knocking.
I could easily close there but can I just pretend for a moment that we are sharing a cup of coffee?? I've got some fun ideas for the future rolling around inside of me and I'd love to bounce them off of you!!! Any and all feedback is welcome! Along with hoping for continued inspiration for the moment as I blog, I've got some ideas for some planned series in blogging:
A series of posts on mentoring (how to find a mentor, how to be mentored when you don't have one, and how to be a mentor)...accompanied by some 'meet my mentor' posts...a casual interview with three women who have mentored me.
A series of posts on the real things that have made a big impact in our marriage (liking him, learning to play on his team, and praying for him)
Girlfriending: How to be a friend worth having and how to find them yourself
If you've got any feedback - I'd LOVE to hear it! Thanks so much for joining me on this ride. It's an honor to share life and a few moments with you. And who knows, maybe the Lord will bring out my funny story telling capabilities after all!
Happy weekend!
Abi
BIG FAT P.S. If you're anything like me, if a new haircut is mentioned, it is cruel to not show pictures. You know how you have to guard yourself from comparing and contrasting too much on social media? Because after all, people only show you the side they want you to see at their best moments (guilty here)? Well, this isn't my worst folks, but it ain't my best either. This is second day hair, worn off makeup and tired Abi at 9:30 at night. You're welcome. :)
(Let me be honest: the lipstick was freshly applied. I am Cheryl Booth's daughter, after all. We is better with lipstick on.)
beautiful words- and beautiful hair! :)
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