Movie Review: Safe Haven

This year, our Valentine's date was one of my favorites. We scrapped the fancy dinner and opted for a bucket of popcorn (we wished we'd gotten the jumbo bucket when was all was said and done! LOL) and a movie on Valentine's Day night. It was so fun! The theater was packed because we saw Safe Haven on opening night and that made it all the more fun. It reminded me of my college years - going to see Ocean's Eleven on opening night in a packed theater of loud college kids. That dates me - I know!



First let me say, I am not a Nicholas Sparks reader. Not against it - I just haven't read his books. So I had no point of reference for the story line of Safe Haven. I'm pretty sure if you read the book you would say there's no way the movie could be as good as the book. Buuuuuut... this movie has grown on me the more I think about it! Don't get me wrong - I really enjoyed it in the moment too. But it's been a week and I kind of wish I could go see it again tonight :).

It's just a really sweet story. Widower dad meets young woman fleeing an abusive relationship. The abusive relationship element brings more of an intensity to the story than I was prepared for! Sorry for the fingernail marks in your hand Zion!

Here's what I loved about the movie: It was fairly clean in terms of language and sexual content. Mind you I said fairly (i.e. it only happens occasionally; it's not a movie that is laced with language and sex). The story is just so sweet. Sometimes I get tired of all of the complex/weird/artistic romantic story lines and this one is just a plain old sweet love story. The kind you can get lost in and truly root for the characters. And hey - there were some inspirational make-out scenes if I do say so! You know the kind: you walk away wanting to be all that you can be in that way! LOL.

Things you may not like: The development of the story was a tad shallow. Things seemed to happen fast and at times, the story wasn't given enough time to develop the way it could have.

Having said that - it brings me back to a simple, sweet (with some very intense moments!) love story.

And you know, I have a quota of those that I just truly need to meet. I'm looking forward to another month or so when this hits the dolla theater - because I'll be there!

Love y'all,
Abi

PS....we all know that Sunday is Oscar Sunday right??? I am prepping these little typing fingers for my third annual Oscar's Top Dresses. AHHHHHH I CAN'T WAIT!

Liam, You 18-Monther, You!

You, my boy, are quite the person! I can't believe I've known you on the outside world for a year and a half. Sometimes it feels like I just blinked my eyes and this happened - other times, it seems like you've been here and I've known you forever.

I must say, being a year and a half into the journey called motherhood feels good! I feel more grounded in my role (at least for the time being lol!) and we've found a good groove of life.

So let's see here. What will I want to remember about this time of your life when we look back...oh where to start? :)



You are, developmentally, right on track. You weighed 23lbs and 13oz and were 32 3/4in long at your 18-month check up. That puts you in the 10-25% for weight and the 50-75% for height. A little skinnier than average and a little taller than average. P.S. Lord, if you'd like to make that my new assignment in life You'll get no complaints from me!!!



People still say you look just like your daddy. And I don't dispute it - I still love hearing that. But I look into your face and see myself there too - it's our little secret.



You had been babbling and using a few words for quite a few months but at 17 months language started to explode out of you! It seems like you add a new word to your collection every day or two. Perhaps that is mommy-exaggeration but oh well! But you know what I love? You still call balloons and balls boombooms. I don't try to correct it because it's one of my favorite things you say. Only in the last week have you added the word 'no' to your vocabulary. It was inevitable right?? Right now you have over 30 words you say and I'm thinking you're on your way to being quite the verbal little person. No surprise there though given your parents!


(Very serious tooth-brushing-buddies, you and Katherine had such a good time together on our visit!)

About three weeks ago you shifted to calling us mommy and daddy instead of mama and dada. I thought that was interesting because I never encouraged that. Pretty cute coming out of your little mouth now though.



You are getting more into books these days! Your attention span is definitely increasing. Now it's common for you to sit in my lap and have me read most of a book to you. Some of your recent favorites have been 'Moo, Baa, La La La', Baby Einsteins 'First Words', Baby Einsteins 'First Letters', and 'Goodnight Moon.'


(Charlotte Lee read you a book showing just how big a girl she was and you approved)

One of my very favorite moments in our day is when you want to hold hands with me as we walk from one end of the house to the other end (not that it's that big - but for little legs it's a journey). My heart swells holding your chubby hand. Sometimes you hop or try to run while we walk hand in hand and we both laugh. You have a happy heart!



One of my other favorite parts of the day is when Daddy comes home - for many reasons LOL! But you love to stand at the front window and call out 'Daaaaaaaaddy!' We make sure to wait to start the watching game until you only have a few minutes left before Daddy rolls in! Throughout the day you'll look at the window and say 'Daddy?'. So precious. Then when you see Daddy pull up - you run to the garage door and stand totally still waiting for it to open. The second it opens - you're off! Running in the opposite direction enticing him to chase you. You laugh so hard! We still pray with Daddy before he goes to work and you put your hand on his chest as we pray and then say 'men!' I'm so in love with your very sweet heart Liam.


(Best friends and cousins, you and YaYa own that bottom step at Mimi and B.Bo's like it's the best fort imaginable)

Even though you have quite a few words - you're still utilizing a lot of babble. You'll stick your pointer finger in the air and give me a long diatribe then nod your head and toddle off. We have the best conversations :).

You're definitely developing independence! The newest thing is that when you're in the shopping cart, you want only your hands on the bar to 'push push push.' Mine are supposed to be nowhere near the pushing bar. I try to explain to you that it simply doesn't work that way but you have a different perspective.



You generally sleep 11-12 hours a night and although you have made the transition to one nap a day - nap length is all over the place. Sometimes an hour and a half and sometimes two and a half hours...I'm guessing it will get more consistent given time.

I truly love spending my days with you. You're full of joy, funny, sweet, and smart. I think every mama must feel that way about her baby! As more time passes, I feel so honored to get to be your mama. It's such a blessing to get to walk this road and I don't take it for granted.

Mommyworld: The Honor of the Shadow

At one and a half - Liam is at such a fun stage. I'm still trying to hold off pegging his personality because so much of what he does is developmental BUT I'm fairly certain that I don't have an introvert on my hands. He's always right by side. If I leave the room - within seconds he toddles/runs as fast as his legs will take him to find me. All the while calling "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," and on and on from there. We work on independent play time :).



Along with just wanting to be my side - he's hit the stage where He is hyper-aware of what I'm doing and whether or not he can do either the exact same thing or something like it. If I'm pushing a button - where's his button to push? If I'm stirring on the stove - where's his spoon to stir with? If I'm grinding coffee beans - get him up in my arms asap to push the button himself.

Oh what a dynamic of life my little shadow is! Now you and I both know that there are moments with the shadow that are enough to make you want to pull a hair or two out. Like when I just want one bite of chocolate to get me through the next hour. And I want it alone and I want it to myself. Or when I just want to escape to bathroom to put on my make-up at super-charged speed for five minutes so that little hands aren't 'helping.' Or when I'd like to brush my teeth in the dark so that little eyes won't also want to take the brush straight from my mouth to his mouth. :)

But this morning - my shadow did something that brought it all into perspective. We were together in worship and I had him on my hip. The Lord was stirring my heart so deeply and my eyes were closed and my free hand was stretched up in love. And then I remembered the boy on my hip and glanced down only to see his eyes intently on me with his precious arm and chubby little hand stretched high in the air just like mine. What a high honor and a true calling.

You know, as life becomes more and more adult, it's so easy to lose the innocence of joy and child-like enjoyment of God. Because frankly - we've experienced the pain of life and the reality that God's love doesn't mean we walk without nitty-gritty-face-in-the-dirt at times moments. You and I both know what it feels like and often times - those experiences bring with them something we don't talk about very openly - disappointment in God. Sometimes we don't even realize that feeling is there until years later. Or it's so subconscious that it affects us in indirect ways. But have you ever noticed that the words 'on fire' are generally applied to teenagers and young adults? The easy path of adulthood is to put the disappointment in a box - pack it away - and live with as much peace with God as you can muster. Still loving God, just a tad removed, a bit further away where emotional safety is easier to come by. Less naive, more familiar with reality.

Oh my friend. The Big D. Disappointment is the silent killer of our wild love and precious intimacy with the true God of the universe Who created us with acute intention.

And now - there are little shadows watching our every move and even the attitudes of our hearts.



I don't know about you, but I am determined that my children will not lead me in wildness towards God. They will not remind me of years gone by when my heart was trusting, loving and passionate towards the God of life. I WILL stir in them their destinies in the Lord and they will learn passion from me. Lord, give me grace to live with such love and give me divine help to deal with disappointments so that they are cut off from standing between me and You.

My friend Miranda posted this picture on Facebook tonight. She and her daughter went to Haiti last summer on missions. This picture was taken without Miranda knowing it. Until she saw it she did not know that Brelee was a few feet behind her standing just like her mama imitating the exact stance of worship she saw before her.


What an honor my mama friends! What a calling!

Obviously, getting our babies to physically worship just as we worship is not the goal. But it so beautifully illustrates that their little hearts are watching.

My blog-friend Megan once wrote this and it comes back to me again and again:

"We've chosen this life of changing diapers, watching your waistline expand to accommodate a growing nugget, and being on the never ending rotation of meals and baths. Because the truth is we've been entrusted with royalty, every parent has been. We've got babies to raise up so that when their little feet hit the ground, the enemy's heart trembles with fear."



Yes and amen mama-friends, future-mamas, and just anyone else! Our calling is high, it's important, and their destinies are worthy of our determined pursuit of receiving as much love from Him as we can possibly contain. These little shadows are precious gifts. The good news is that He does not come to condemn us! He has the perfect path to walk you through any disappointments that may lurk in your heart. He already has the solution ready - just ask. And then ask again because sometimes it's a process. But be encouraged because you and I were both made for this!

Love y'all,
Abi

Bite Size Bible Study: LET Peace

It's been way too long since I've done a Bite Size Bible Study!!! In case you haven't read one before - and you probably haven't since it's been so long - here's a recap. These are just small focused thoughts from Jesus for you to grab onto. It's not intended to replace time with the Lord but instead to provide one bite for our distracted minds to ponder. One bite for our spirits to let take root. Sometimes all my brain can retain is one bite!

So here we go! This one has been rolling around in my heart so let's make it short and to the point. Ha! We'll attempt it.

Colossians 3:15 "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

Huh. Hmmmmmm. Excuse me did you say let the peace? As in me? Oh my.

Let's be honest - here's what I would like to see happen - please observe exhibit A: I am having one of those days. You know the ones. I feel pulled in a million directions. Nothing I seem to start gets the chance to be finished. Everyone needs something. Whatever happened to that goal to work out three times this week? Oh yes - the stomach bug. There simply seems to be no chance to settle, to focus, to accomplish. AND I FEEL LIKE YELLING!!!!!!!!! So what would I like here? Why, I'd like peace to come and literally boll me over. I'd like peace to come and supernaturally close my mouth when it's on the brink of pointless venting. And yes, peace, I'd like you to invade my brain. Go ahead - invade it. YOU try taking those thoughts captive! You look at my list of things to do and determine which ones are most important. You go ahead and do your thang peace sister!

Well friends, you know how successful that has been! LOL. Not very.

And so we come back to Colossians 3. LET the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. I find myself realizing that I pray for peace for my friends a lot. I ask God to give my husband peace. I implore the Lord to bring peace to my heart on days like this. But perhaps that's not really the right request? If I really believe that Jesus - fully Himself - now lives inside of me, that I hold His precious presence in my very being - then Peace already resides in me. He holds camp in my heart. And I guess that means that it's my choice to indeed let the peace of Christ rule in my heart. To let it rule. To let it win. To let it have its way in my thoughts and how I view that illusive to-do list.

So today I'm choosing to step aside. To say 'Jesus You are peace that passes my understanding. You ARE peace in the storm. You are the Prince of Peace. So I'm going to remember that You're fully You inside of me today. I don't need to intercede for fifteen minutes to get peace. I just need to step aside and you'll do your thing.' Ahhhhhhh that makes me want to take a deep breath.

So let's take a deep breath of His peace together.

Here's Colossians 3:15 from the Amplified to give it a little more juice:

"And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always]."

Love y'all,
Abi

Pictures as Promised

Well friends I'm behind. There's no other way around it! So let my words be few and my pictures (of Christmas!) be plenty.

Christmas 2012 in pictures:

I said it previously - I love pictures! Pictures of other people that I may or may not even know! So I hope you enjoyed a little break from whatever is on your plate right now browsing through these. We had a blessed Christmas with Zion's family and left the next day for a Christmas cruise with my family. So thankful for both of our families.

Now back to my other tasks of the day....

Love y'all,
Abi

If We Could Meet for Coffee Right Now...

Hello sweet reader. I have hemmed and hawed (is that remotely close to the correct spelling???) about getting back to my blog. It's taken me weeks! Do you ever struggle with knowing if what you think about saying actually needs to be said? I think any writer must. Not that my following is numerous, lol, but it's my little blog space and for me it's important and sometimes you just want to write when the punch is really there. And then sometimes you just write without it!

At the moment, I'm not feeling a lot of punch, but what I am feeling is the need to move these fingers and then to click publish. Because sometimes it's just about restarting - regardless of if you have it all figured out!

How has life been for you I wonder? Are you still feeling the freshness and motivation of January and a new year? May I just say - my Christmas decorations finally came down but the two trees will make their descent to their boxes tomorrow. Can you believe it? We traveled over Christmas and then I was out of town for a weekend after that and there were just more important things than de-Christmas-fying our house...like recovering from said adventures :).

So let's do this: Let's just talk about where we are and what we see on the horizon shall we?

Are you doing well, really?

Are you feeling overwhelmed or are you feeling strong?

What do you anticipate for the upcoming months and this year?

Were we sitting sharing a cozy table at Nords or Shades or such, I'd ask you those questions. And then you'd say - 'Okay now you talk!'

First question, am I doing well, really?

I can truthfully and honestly say that I really am doing well. My soul is starting to feel deeply excited about this season. I'm starting to settle into my new life season of stay at home mom (or shall we say Executive Director of Residential and Precious Cargo Life :). A dear friend who's a few years ahead of me in this transition recently told me that it took her a year and a half from when she stopped working to really get into the groove of her new life. It really encouraged me! That sounds about right!

Since you know me so well, you know I'm married :). He's great. I love him. Still love those blue eyes. We recently had one of those 'really important moment' conversations where honesty and vulnerability are the drivers and it was the grace of God. Seven+ years into marriage - you know when those moments hit and you can feel the importance of them. Since that conversation, we've been loving each other and liking each other a lot more! God is really good and I'm so thankful He can get us through the yuckiness of our yuck. :) On a marriage note - I am slowly reading Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge. Wow! I haven't read a ton of books on marriage but this one seems unique and their honesty is so encouraging.

Liam is almost a year and half! He is so so so so so so precious. No really - he is. LOL. I am so loving being not just a mama but his mama. Even though we're going through some not-so-pleasant nap transitions - life with him is joy.

In the name of honesty - may I just say - I still have 15lbs to lose to get back to pre-Liam weight. I'm seeing some movement though in the numbers and I am frankly just really glad that I haven't given up! It is taking me longer than I would have ever imagined. But hey - I'm here, I'm healthy and I'm not quitting!

Second question, are you feeling overwhelmed or are you feeling strong?

Ooooohhhh good one! LOL. You know - I had been feeling overwhelmed a lot over the past few weeks - especially leading up to Christmas. And then, one day as I was standing and facing my pantry (which desperately needs a re-org) I felt like God broke through my overwhelmed state and reminded me that my very house simply does not have the power to overwhelm me. It doesn't. It's a house. And because God lives in me - everything has been overcome by Him/me. Not to over-spiritualize a dirty house - but sister you know what I'm talking about! It was like truth clicked in me and I just started taking action. I don't want to live overwhelmed....it's really not from God and it doesn't leave much space for Him either, does it? So I'm really asking Him to teach me how to live above feelings of being overwhelmed....and He is teaching me a lot!

Third question, what do you anticipate for the upcoming months and this year?

Bring it 2013! This is going to be one good year, I'm telling you right now. And you should take that for yourself too! For me, I really feel like I am being prompted to figure out more about this whole topic of showing my husband respect. I mean, I get it, but I don't get it. Do you relate? I so respect Zion. But I think that there is more for me to learn about showing and communicating that - and if you can believe it - I am excited to learn! It's time.

Also, I think this year is going to be about listening and re-learning my identity. Also exciting :) Last month during small group - Zion was sharing about identity. He said that if you look at the definition of the word - identity is more about who you identify yourself with than it is about the individual definition of who you are. Blow me away. It's time that I rediscover who I am created to be because of who He is.

Whew that was a lot of typing! But it feels so good to be back in the blog mode. I have no idea where this blog is going but I know that something feels alive on the inside when I say yes.

Wish we could have had this conversation over coffee my friend.

Hope you're doing well....and I promise the next post will include lots of pictures. Because let's be honest - my favorite part of most blogs are the pictures :).

Love ya'll,
Abi

It's Complicated

Sometimes I feel like my favorite posts come out of the moments when I don't really know exactly what I am going to write - but there is feeling welling up in my heart so I know I have to write something.

Today I feel like being transparent. Yikes. There are those occasions after I've been transparent that I immediately wonder if it was too much. Too much honesty. Too much vulnerability. Opening oneself to judgement surely. But there is just something about me that can't help it! Maybe I'll mature out of that someday - or maybe I'll mature into the capacity to quiet the hindering thoughts when I've got the urge to spill the beans. :)

I quit my job a little over four months ago to be at home with Liam full time. I quit because of moments like this. There is not one second of regret over the decision. He is a gift beyond words and the opportunity to pour into his both tiny and colossal heart is something I cherish dearly. But the journey of my heart since quitting has been - complicated.

It's complicated on many levels. I don't miss the work - honestly I feel like I'm working harder than I ever have in my life! I am shocked that I don't miss the adult interaction as much as I thought I would. Me and my little buddy have a great time together and there are new relationships building in my new-to-me-world. It's deeper than the work and the adult interaction.

It's the question: Who Am I?

It's the part of my pride that says - I know I'm smart and I could probably whip most smarty pants at their own game given a little time but here I am staring at that freaking bedroom that looks like college students sleep there instead of a grown man and woman. Shouldn't cleaned rooms just stay clean for goodness sake? It's the moments when I'm asked what I do and my mouth goes a little dry at the phrase 'stay at home mom.'

It's the thought of that blasted kitchen getting dirtied all over again because it's time for dinner. It's the part of not working that encompasses becoming more of a servant to all.

Which brings me to yet another point of complication: the undeniable example Jesus gives us is to be precisely a servant of all. To lay down one's life for his brother. To love your neighbor as you love yourself. To love the Lord with all your heart and to love others. I mean - the list goes on!

I wrestle.

And I've come to the point of believing that God has appointed this great battle in my heart. I truly believe that He has something for me to uncover in Him in this process. That there is a revelation to be garnered if I continue to seek. Because He also says that if I seek Him, I WILL find Him.

So who am I? I am a wife and I am a mom. I am a cook/maid/house cleaner. But I'm also a teacher/strategist/marketer/creative/negotiator/go-getter. I'm all of it. And I know that I know that I know God has a unique path for my life and specific jobs for me to do.

The funny thing is that I don't live under this cloud of complicated confusion. I sincerely love my life and love the opportunity that I have to raise Liam. Our days are full and happy. Then all of the sudden - these questions will surface in my heart and present themselves so strongly that I have to give thought to them. It's almost as if the Holy Spirit stirs the waters in my soul and nearly forces my face into the questions. I think His point is that He holds the key to this resolve :).

So I live with the knowledge that this precious opportunity to be at home with Liam is not my ticket into retiring my destiny. It's not my path to sitting back and propping the feet up in terms of significance (in case you're wondering - I 100% believe that raising children and managing a home are worthy in and of themselves as a destiny and they are most certainly significant). My path is not to now see my wonderful champion of a husband as the major and I am the minor. His calling is bigger/mine is smaller - you get the picture. My opportunity is to now grab onto the robes of Jesus and allow Him to show me how to live each day as worship. By the way, it's the mopping the floor that I struggle with loving not the teaching and parenting my child LOL!

I am sure that if a handful of different readers read this post - the reactions would vary greatly. You may not feel that you can identify - or you may identify very deeply.

So come help we women Lord! :) We are a complicated lot to be certain! We are as unique as the zebra - no one animal's stripes being exactly like another's. But we do long to be found in you because you cover every ounce of quirk we contain. I long to lay every question I have about this moment and about the future at your feet and rest. You are good and Your plans for us are undeniable.

Ahhhh yes. The end of this post. I'm not even re-reading this one for editing because I'd probably delete the entire thing before posting! So please forgive the typos - I am pretty bad at typos! I think the important thing - for me - is to put it out there (the good, the bad, the wrong, the true, etc). It's my obedience today.

Happy Tuesday Friend,
Abi