That Woman, Part 2

I don't seem to be able to pull off the nicely packaged blog posts.  The ones with a funny beginning, intriguing middle, and pull it all together end.  I love those!  It's so nice when it feels like I'm in class and what I'm reading is just exactly what I need to be learning and the one teaching me has got her act together.  It makes it easy to trust her...she's prepared and she has honed this thing, baby.  So far, that vibe seems to elude me.  Ha!

I cannot resist the urge to transparently blurb out my wrestle and my fumble as I crank these words out.  But I hope I get better at that.  Preparation would likely make the difference, don't you think?? So you bear with me so kindly as you patiently read my ramble until I get into some words that are the real deal.  That's what makes you such a jewel: you bear with me in the process of becoming.  I only hope I offer that same space to you.

Two and a half weeks since my last post.  Let's see, how many times have I regretted opening the topic of womanhood up? So many times.  Lost count.  The thoughts go something like this: Where do I start? Where do I start? Where do I start?  What do I think? What do I think? What do I think? What are you saying, Father? What are you saying, Father? What are you saying, Father? What is that thing I feel? What is that thing I feel? What is that thing I feel?  WHY did I choose something as big as the ocean?????

The topic continues to stir around for me so here we still are together. And I remind myself that you aren't reading these words because you're looking for an expert, or for one specific answer, and that, ahem, I can lighten up! Lightening up seems to be a key for me in life :).  More than positioning myself as a teacher/expert - you know what would make my heart burst? Being a part of you taking the next step forward that He has for you.  Being a voice that urges you forward and further into Truth.  He is fully capable of getting each of us to the end-goal all on His own.  So, if I can be a friend along the way that cheers loudly enough to make putting the foot down on the next place He has for your foot as little easier, then I will do my happy dance.  It's the same dance I do for Liam when he can say his Scripture verse for school without any cues from me....it's silly, it's wild and it's loud!

Thank you for your transparent and generous responses to the questions I asked in the last post!!! I was a little blown away at how much time you gave to answer fully.  Each answer pushed me further into intrigue.  And it affirmed that womanhood is indeed a beautiful mountain worth ascending and digging into.

I'm going to work my way into pondering your answers.  They have been tucked away but bits and pieces of them keep popping back into my thoughts.  For today, I thought I'd try answering them myself.  It's my next step, hehe!

Let's see:

What is the thing that trips you up the most in womanhood?
Just one?! Seeing pictures of or catching a glimpse my naturally occurring double chin. Here's the pic. 

Honestly, I couldn't capture it in its full glory.  But I was getting embarrassed of taking selfies in the coffee shop. 

Is a double chin the worst thing in womanhood? Nah. But does it trip me up? Uh huh.   

On a more meaningful note, one thing that consistently trips me up as a woman, as a person, is encountering anyone who is doing something differently than I am.  And, that's a lot of tripping up obviously.  The small differences don't mess with me so much...it's more the big things that put me on a different road than someone I care about.  Doing anything differently than my mom (Do you know her??? She's great and worthy of modeling after)....choosing a different school for my kids than my neighbor, my dear friends...adhering to different parenting philosophies than my friends do....spending money differently than others do....you get the idea.

What is one of your dreams as it relates to being the woman you were created to be?
I dream of being brave and I dream of not having the strong urge to run and hide when I think about that woman He is calling me.  Cue 'Oceans.'  Cue 'You Make Me Brave.'  

What is something you tend to admire in other women, again and again?
I admire women who aren't afraid to look other women in the eyes.  I admire women who have tackled jealousy - those who have much but sit right down for a deep conversation with one who has little.  And the one who has meager posessions but confidently steps into the life of the one who has much - knowing that she carries the Author of All in her.  I admire women who are old in years but keep letting the Lord teach them and who keep being changed by His love.  That's a complex thing.  

What has God taught you about womanhood?
Ahhhhhh here's the digging question.  You guys had some beautiful responses.  I'm going to try freeflowing my thoughts: He's taught me that womanhood has nothing to do with weakness and instead it requires a very complex strength.  And He's taught me that sometimes weakness is the doorway to true strength.  He's taught me that women are forged in the valleys and that the valleys are not always worth my fight against them.  He's taught me that my husband is a contributor to my sense of womanhood...but this path is one that only God and I can walk together.  It's a journey for the two of us and sometimes He uses him to speak into it or encourage it or provide a stumble here or there...but it's really work that can only be done between Him and me.  He's been teaching me about physical beauty and the role it plays in womanhood.  I hear voice after voice saying that our physical beauty is not our worth, our measure or our identity.  All true.  But we're missing something.  Very much chewing on that one.


I'm going to keep delving.....keep delving with me!

Love,
Abi (and Melissa, Carrie, Connie, Gina, Kim, Lindsay, Rusty, Jillian, Summer, Amanda, and Lauren)

That Woman

You know what I do when opening this page up and writing feels too scary to face? It's a little trick I learned from Julia Cameron...author of The Artist's Way.  I talk to myself like I am a little three year old: "It's okay Abi!  Let's just have fuuuuun! Oh look you opened the page - that's GREAT!  Now what does having fun feel like to you?  Words are fun and talking is fun!  Let's have fun."

I encourage the heck out of my little self over the least step forward and it brings a smile to my face.  And it works!

Thank you for reading my last post.  I think that's been one of the biggest, scariest gremlins in my thoughts: not wanting to waste people's time.  There's a blogger everywhere we look.  There's a helpful article at every click of the mouse.  There's a funny post to go with each day of the week. And in the spiritual space, there are 'good' pieces of spiritual advice/encouragement a plenty.  Enough to keep us reading from the time we wake up until we hit the pillow at night.  Do you take yourself seriously?  I take myself seriously some days and others I feel like I'm the world's biggest joke on two legs.  Of course that's an exaggeration but I know you can relate.  It's that voice that tells you 'Ha! You want to take up people's time?! Like an expert or something??  Like a writer or something?! Ha!'

That voice and its darn 'ha!'.  Well, 'ha!' to you voice.  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.  Do you hear me cackling?  Because that's what I am doing right in your face voice: laughing and laughing and laughing.  I'm not an expert!  I'm not a writer!  But maybe I'm on my way.  And the thought of it makes my heart lurch forward....so I'm going to follow the lurch instead of your critical voicy self.

Having said all of that, it really does mean something to me that you read the last post.  Your time is a gift.  Your ears and your heart are an honor.  You were made with such craftsmanship and such exacting design by a Creator who values you more than you can wrap your mind around.  You have immense value to Him....so the fact that you gave me your time is humbling.  And thrilling!  And very humbling.

Last time I mentioned that I'm paying attention to the deep thinking.  It seems like that is the place in us that He is present and He is at work.  Sure, He springs big and quick thoughts into our blatant path, too.  But the low and rumbling part of you where thinking and being and listening blend together - that seems like the spot we can take a step back from and observe what He is doing in us....if we want to.  Sometimes I don't want to!  But often it's well worth the time and journey.

Out of all the things I listed that I've been deep thinking about, the one that has swirled the most since then is this topic of womanhood.  What a mountain.  As I've pondered, my thoughts have been trying to gravitate towards a top ten list.  Like what are the top ten things a woman should be.  What are the top ten things that make a woman great.  What are the top ten things that make womanhood womanhood.  Gag.  First, gag because I don't have such lists.  And don't lists feel dead?  Like 'do these ten things to achieve awesome in womanhood.'

I know some amazing women though.  Whew.  I can't think of a single one who is the total package because, uh I know them!  I know their imperfections.  But the areas of beauty and strength in womanhood that shine through their imperfections make the strengths even more powerful.  I'm going to attempt a deep sea dive into this arena and I'm wondering if you would help me.  I want to host conversations with some of the women who have caught my eye and focus in on the strengths they display that are whoa level.  Would you have a conversation with me about this?  Don't feel the need to comment publicly if you'd rather whisper your short thought to me.  Just message me.

I'd like to know:

What is the thing that trips you up the most in womanhood?
What is one of your dreams as it relates to being the woman you were created to be?
What is something you tend to admire in other women, again and again?
What has God taught you about womanhood?

I REALLY TRULY ACTUALLY would love to have your help.  This isn't a huge incentive, but if you contribute, I'll list you with me when I sign my 'Love, Abi' at the end.  But I won't indicate what part you played so as to keep it safe for your honesty.

To be a woman is something so beautiful.  It can be painful.  But that's what makes Salvation, Salvation. Saving from pain...sometimes the saving comes through the pain so that the pain ceases to be our identity and instead it's a badge of beauty that opens up story after story. I am so excited to delve in.  Delve with me.

Love,
Abi (See right here!  Your name could be right here!)