Five weeks ago my life turned into the most glorious upside down state. But transition is always 'something' isn't it? I became a momma in an instat on August 4 but my heart has melted and molded into this new role bit by bit - diaper by diaper - and non-showered day by non-showered day. Those first few weeks were precious and hard all at the same time. Talk about shock to the system! I remember feeling pretty trapped in my house and more specifically - in one chair that I did most of the early nursing in. I felt like my life would never extend beyond that chair lol!
But then those hormones began to slowly stabilize and I could see and feel that little boy more each day. I loved him so much but I remember feeling so weird knowing that I was smack dab between two identities. Not who I used to be but totally unsure of who the new mommy-me was or was supposed to be. Of course, I am sure that in five more weeks I'll have an even deeper understanding of my new life.
He has started cooing and smiling at me. He snuggles into my neck for an occasional nap in the most delicious way. He studies the world around him with such focus. He already adores Daddy. And he made me a mom - a long-held dream come true.
It's so crazy to feel all of the instincts come to life without really trying to make them do that. Each week I feel more and more in touch with my role and the love grows when it seems impossible for it to grow any more.
Have I gushed enough? LOL. I see the words that I type and I am - uh - a little astonished. :) I have never been much of a gusher and I never saw that coming. But I am so beyond caring how it sounds at this point. This is a new season to say the least. I turn 30 next month and I say bring it on. God give me grace to transition and to love the way You love.
Love y'all,
Abi
