The Wise Woman's Advice on Marriage: Part One

I love Valentine's Day.  Pink, red and white bring a smile to my face!  I love love and celebrating love and....eating love.  Ha!  At this very moment I'm attempting to talk myself out of ordering a dozen Valentine's Day cookies from my friend Libby at OKCookieMomster.  Her sugar cookies are beyond.  And they're big. And they're beautiful.  I mean, if you are a sugar cookie person you know - there are sugar cookies and then there are sugar cookies.  Libby's melt in your mouth and have the best texture and taste.  If you're in Tulsa...find her.

If you've been married for more than one day, you know.  Love within marriage is sacred and thrilling but it does not come and stay without intention.  It's kind of like my mom and I joke, "If we aren't trying to lose weight...we're gaining it!" :)  If we're not mindful of a goal then the scale will just keep inching upward!  Ha! And the same is true of love....if we aren't mindful of it and in pursuit of it, it's likely not growing.  And a growing love within marriage is worth working for.  It's worth focusing on.  It's worth going after with all of your heart!

This year we get to celebrate our tenth anniversary!  I cannot believe it.  I'm loving how much excitement is building in my heart to get to celebrate the milestone with him!  Ten years.  Ten years of being married to this person who has helped me grow, who loves me, who likes me, who pushes my buttons, who believes in me and who causes me to grow in respect for him every year.  

I'm not the biggest self-help book reader.  But, I do search and seek out wisdom wherever I get a hint of it in the air.  Wisdom on marriage is so valuable!  At ten years in, I feel like I'm still in the thick of learning and so I hold onto the bits of encouragement that have been passed to me.  And there have been three women, who at three different times have given me wisdom that has really impacted how I think.  Ten years in, I can actually say that these pieces of wisdom don't just sound good....they have really helped me grow as a wife.  

Each week I'll focus on one of the three pieces of advice leading right up to the day before Valentine's Day.  Here we go!

The Wise Woman: Cheryl Booth (aka my mom, my friend and Mimi)

The Wise Woman's Advice: Let everyone play to his/her strengths within marriage.  Let each person bring his/her strength to the table on behalf of the unit.  

It sounds unbelievably simple!  But the longer I'm married the more I'm certain that it is anything but simple! Mom has proclaimed this truth for years but it takes a bit of marriage seasoning to really start getting what she's saying - or it did for me at least.  

I think of that one of life's great challenges is wrestling with the concept of 'normal.'  Normal is nearly always a figment of something we believe to be true but often doesn't pan out to be that consistently true.  And it tends to stir nothing but issues when it's applied to marriage!  

It is far too easy to have an idea of what a normal husband/wife does, is, or thinks/acts/responds like.  And often, we have that image in mind when we come to a point of conflict!  Everything inside of us wants to scream...."WAIT THIS ISN'T NORMAL!!!!!!"  

But normal is a love and life killer if ever there was one.

The more I lean in to my mom's wisdom, the better my marriage becomes.  I want to let myself play to my strengths within marriage...even if it's not what I consider normal.  And I want to let my husband out of the 'normal' box and let him fully be himself - playing to his strengths on behalf of us.  It all sounds so straightforward but my experience has been that this is a hard core choice you have to make at certain points.  

What if my strengths for our unit don't look like my other married friends strengths?  And therefore my marriage looks significantly different than her's does?  What if the way my strengths combine with his strengths look different from what it looked like for my parents and in the home I grew up in?  The list could go on and on....

When we talk about loving well, wouldn't this be included?  That we invite another to be fully who he is?  Bringing his strengths to the table and being celebrated for them instead of pondering endlessly why his/her strengths are different than someone else's?  I know that I so appreciate it when Zion welcomes my strengths instead of pondering my weaknesses.  It breathes such life into me!  

So here's to a piece of wisdom that continues to teach me so much.  Here's to my mom for practicing this truth so well.  And here's to embracing the combination of us within our marriages that makes each couple unique, quirky and strong!

Happy Friday y'all!  Happy Weekending!

Abi

The Nice Talking Mommy

Another week conquered!  PRAISES!

Last weekend I went to a book study group that my mom is teaching on the book Shepherding Your Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.  My mom is pretty awesome.  Since I was heading out the door, Zion was doing the bedtime routine with Liam that night and I was getting ready to leave.  Liam's at the age where you can't really slip much past him.  It's much better to be straightforward with him, tell him where I'm going, why, when, etc.  So he and I were having some time together before I left and bedtime started.  He asked what I was getting ready for and I told him that I was going to a meeting for mommies.  We were going to learn how to be better mommies.  Thankfully, he accepted that reason (likely thinking to himself....'shooooot there couldn't be a better group for you girl!' Ha!) and I sensed his little brain was churning.  So as I reapplied powder, concealer and lipstick I asked him...what do you think we'll learn about being better mommies?  His instant, did not take a moment to think, reply? "You'll learn how to talk nice."

Out of the mouth of babes......

(At his first dentist appointment!)

Such a little window into his soul those words were!  Truthfully, I give myself multiple pats on the back every.single.day. because I KNOW how many times I want to be rougher with my tone or a little harsher with my words than I am.  I KNOW how much resistance and discipline I am exercising to not lose it at least once a day.  But this little man soaks up every single moment of communication we have.  His heart is waiting and watching.  And when I do lose it - you can see his heart in his eyes instantaneously.

Which, truly, is that not maddening?  Honest mom moment alert.  Don't ya just wish that you could go bonkers/lose-it/scream as loud as you'd wish in some moments and not cause little hearts to break?  No?  Just me?  :)  Sometimes I just want to let all the ugly come sprinting out and spill everywhere - loudly.  Like I really really want to.

We talk about talking kindly at home a lot.  It's as much for me as it is for him!  No matter how justified we feel in being harsh, or mean, or bluntly frustrated - little hearts are listening.  And big hearts are listening too!

If there is one thing I'm not, it's a perfectionist.  Frankly, I know that I am going to lose it as a mom.  I am.  I know that it is simply not realistic that I will or can avoid all moments of freak out entirely.  I had a mini-lose-it session last night over a toy filled room and a tripping occurrence.  There's really nothing like a toy filled room to all of the sudden push my buttons.  And it's not to say that I aim to have a sugar sweet voice all of the time because I think it's pretty important for little ears to be able to quickly tell when something is serious.  But, I have been given little hearts to steward.  To shepherd.

Sometimes I just need to remember that the way I use my voice impacts a certain three year old.  It's funny because he doesn't seem to react when I need to suddenly get very firm with my voice because he is disobeying or in danger.  But it's the dang 'lose-it' moments that seem to penetrate his heart.  The moments when he wasn't in the wrong...he just happened to be there when my limit was met.

So what's a not-perfectionist to do when I know it will happen again?  I just keep reminding myself that there is GRACE for me to step into in the moments when it seems that my limits have been far surpassed.  That there is literal grace for my mouth to stay shut.  For me to lean into Him instead of letting my mouth run.  And then...I humble myself and directly and clearly apologize to the little heart that all of the sudden became insecure because I felt I had to let it all out.

I'm sitting here a little amazed because this was not the blog post I sat down to write!  But as I wrote I realized that I missed the apology part last night!  So - listen - this one is for me.  This mama has an apology to make to a three year old after he's buckled in from school pick up.

So here's to the weekend!  Full of family which means full of opportunities to receive and give grace.  Full of opportunities to 'learn how to talk nice!'  We can do it!!!!!!

Happy weekending y'all,
Abi

PS....Talking nice does not equal a lack of honesty or firmly dealing with discipline issues as they arise :).  Two different things!  And all the mamas and papas said amen!!!  

January Sunshine and the Naked Christmas Tree

Hello, hello!

It is Friday.  The sun is shining in Tulsa.  The high is 61 degree today.  I mean breathe that in!  I'm sitting here at my old school computer and I keep getting distracted by the Christmas cards still taped to the door to my left.  When I was a little girl, I would literally sit down for an hour with the church directory and pour over the pictures.  The same pictures over and over again.  I love seeing people!  And I looooove looking at the families God has brought into our lives - again and again.  The cards always stay up until February :).  No shame!

And then of course there's the view to my right.  The naked Christmas Tree.  Ahhhhh yes.  I swim in a perfection deficit, like, all the time.  But hey, the ornaments are off and I celebrate that accomplishment!  LOL.  Hope this is making you feel a little better about the fact that Christmas has been long put away in your home :).  You're doing great!  Give yourself a little pat on the back if you're feeling so inclined.  I'm patting myself on the back for a non-ornamented tree :).

I so wish I had more than the little window of time that I do have to sit and write and interact with you.  The two-boy life is a busy life!  January has brought me the very welcomed feelings of getting into a groove and feeling like I'm back a little bit.  The fall was newborn zone of consciousness and then came the holidays and now here I am.  Shepherd is 3.5 months old.  Liam turns 3.5 years old on February 4.  We are all settling into the new normal and I am more thankful than words could ever express.  It is exhausting to feel overwhelmed all of the time!  LOL.  Now I just feel overwhelmed every other time, ha!  I smile as I type that - because it's true but it's also true what a huge difference just feeling overwhelmed every other time instead of every time makes!

So guess what?!  I have plans!  Isn't that delightful??  I'm starting work on a new mini-blog-series leading up to Valentine's Day...the three pieces of marriage advice that have been given to me that have made the biggest impact on my marriage.  I'm excited to simply recall them for myself and really ponder what it is to love and to give yourself to the ever-ending journey of learning to love.  There is no way under heaven I could be considered a marriage expert BUT I do get excited to talk about the gems of wisdom that have been given to me by some very wise women.  The series will start two weeks from today!

This is just a little ditty of a post today but there has been one bit stirring around inside of me to share today.  I've been camping in the first chapter of John this week.  It's loaded.  This verse keeps getting me:

John 1:14
"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth."

My study Bible has a note on this verse that I have been pondering.  It says that the original Greek for 'dwelt among us' in the text is translated as 'pitched His tent.'  I LOVE THOSE WORDS.  He came.  He came and pitched his tent among us.  The very Word of God came as a man and set up camp in our imperfections.  He didn't just come and glide above us.  He didn't take a day away here and there to get a break from the craziness.  He pitched His tent with us.  All of that to provide a way to be intimate.  To be one.  My mind is still reeling.

So if you're like me, with a limited mental capacity for much more than when the baby should eat again and what that sound is the three year old is making, just keep it simple.  Ponder this truth with me!  The Word became man.  He came and pitched his tent.  He moved in right next door.  Now that's love.

Love y'all and happy weekending!
Abi

Mary, Mary....Revisited

Happy Christmas season friends!  The season of anticipating.  Awaiting.  My heart is a mix of awe of Him....and sheer panic.  I've spent the morning trying to talk myself back from the ledge of Christmas panic.  I've got to do this and this and this and this by when????  With a newborn???  And a three year old who is going through a phase of just really liking being by and with Mommy as much as possible???
The truth is that I have paired back my Christmas 'to-do's' as much as possible this  year....but I still feel like my speed of productivity is akin to trudging through the mud while pulling a bootcamp style tire.  So even though I've tried to simplify....somehow my short to-do list still awaits me for the most part.  Smile.  Breathe.
But in the mix of that reality, is the other reality.  The realest one.  I've been thinking a lot about the fact that I've heard many times that Jesus was probably not born in December at all....more likely April.  LOL!  But still, there is something undeniable about Him in the air.  It's like He's hanging over me welcoming me at any moment to slip away mentally and ponder the fact that He came.  He came for me.  And you.  He came.  Wow...my mind can't even hold it all.

And I think about Mary.  Her journey.  We've read and heard the story so many times that we become familiar with it.  But if you take a step back and look with fresh eyes, her story deserves a big. fat. WHAT????!!!!!  She went through what?  Literally everyone must have been whispering behind her back.  She MUST have had a few moments of thinking back on the words of the angel and wondering if she had made everything up in a hallucination.  And then she would have looked down to her middle and been reminded that she was in the middle of walking out something that was so far beyond her.

In fact, if anyone would have been entitled,as we like to think of entitlement, to favor, as we like to think of favor,...wouldn't it have been Mary?

I wrote this last year and it's still one of my favorite bits of truth to ponder during this season:

A few weeks ago I was reading the second chapter of Luke and something hit me so hard - as if I'd never read the words before. Isn't that the most beautiful thing?!

Here's what I read:

Luke 2:6-7

"And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn."

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems that even your lost keys are against you? Seriously all you need to do is get to the store to pick up apples and toilet paper. But getting out of the house unfolds into one of life's great challenges: the shirt you thought would be clean, wasn't. The two year old wants to bang against your legs as you put on eyeliner. Said two year old really doesn't care to get out of his way too soggy overnight diaper and runs yelling "Noooooo!!!!!" You stump that same old toe on a red Hot Wheels that has blended into the red of the rug on the kitchen floor. Somehow, by the grace of God, you are finally dressed and he is finally dressed. The purse is in hand. He is hoisted into the car seat and wrestled in to be buckled. You sink in to the driver's seat and reach for your keys. WHERE ARE THE FREAKING KEYS?????!!!!! And you literally have this thought somewhat consciously - 'I am going to hurt someone.' Next thought: 'Are you kidding me God? Do you see me here? Are lost keys in this moment REALLY necessary?'

There are simply those moments when my sense of entitlement to a certain level of ease and what we may like to call blessing, take me back a bit. Hello ugly.

And then I read that teeny tiny phrase at the end of verse 7: "....and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn."

Double take. No room for them in the inn. If there was ever a human entitled to a little special treatment from the Most High - IT WAS MARY. Mary had the kind of faith that awed the heavenlies. She was willing to sacrifice every single bit of her reputation to submit to the Lord's plan. She was even willing to go it totally alone if it had been too much for Joseph. Who knows what her parents thought. She carried the most precious human being in her middle and then got on a donkey. A donkey. Only to get to Bethlehem and be told "We're so sorry. There's no room here tonight."

If I applied my humanity to Mary, her thoughts may have gone something like "Really. Really? Do you see me God? I feel so much pressure that I might explode. Was it too much to ask you to divinely touch my bladder so that the last pit stop wasn't necessary? If we had gotten here twenty minutes ago would that room have been available? DO YOU SEE ME AND YOUR CHILD???"

Somewhere along the line, we've come under the impression that the one God blesses does not encounter challenge.

But it's stories like Mary's that make it so clear how off that is! If anyone deserved some TLC - it was sweet Mary. But God had a bigger picture and a much more beautiful story unfolding that superceded what we may think Mary deserved in our human perspective. Our Savior took his first breath of air on Earth as a human in a stable, with animals and cloaked in humility. In fact, the very truth that He came as a humble King is a huge part of the story of Salvation. Mary's lack of comfort became a cornerstone piece of a story that has been told for thousands of years and sets this God-man apart. He came in humility, he lived in humility and he died in humility. There was something of much more import taking place than whether or not God was good enough to give them a room instead of a stable and a manger.

Mercy, Father. Forgive me for belting out my "God where are you???" cries when the challenge presents itself. Humility is a beautiful gift and this is a beautiful season to turn our eyes to It.

Beautiful.

Women Can Do Hard Things

Well shoot.  Shoot.  I just wrapped up a middle of the night feeding with my Shepherd and I could be sleeping.  Four hours is enough sleep though, right?!  Who needs more than four?!

It all could have gone like clockwork if I hadn't seen her post on Facebook while nursing.  Do you follow Jen Hatmaker?  If not, do yourself a solid and get on it.  She's hilarious, real, and challenging.  This is what she posted that caught my attention:

Had some of my faves over last night. We call it "Porch Night" even if we were inside because it was too cold: 60 degrees. (Don't hate. We have sensitive Texas constitutions.)

We celebrated Jami who just finished her first semester of nursing school LIKE A BOSS. Straight A's while still parenting three young kids. She had to make her own celebratory orange-ginger cheesecake because none of us can out-dessert her (you may recall she drove to my house and staged a toffee intervention once). I provided champagne. We all have our gifts.

My mom is on the right, and she went back to college when her four kids were in high school, middle school, and elementary. Amy on the left just started a new job while also homeschooling her FOUR BOYS. I wrote my first book when my kids were 1, 3, and 5 like some lunatic.

I just love when women chase down a new dream right in the middle of living their lives. It feels so courageous and gutsy. Sometimes a "not yet" turns into "never" if it sits around waiting too long. Rarely is "right now" easy or convenient, but sometimes you just decide to put your head down and GO FOR IT.

You got a dream simmering? Are you waiting around for "someday"? Maybe that someday should be now. Women are capable of so much. I bet you would surprise yourself.

To all the girls who are wives and moms, I am certainly not saying that being a wife or a mom is the easy road.  Nor is it lacking in calling and destiny!  And focusing on those two callings may be exactly/precisely/perfectly what you are called to do right now - and nothing more.  But..... if there is something stirring inside of you that is outside of those two boxes, maybe it's not intended for ten years down the road.  Maybe.  And maybe not.  It may be that ten years down the road is right on time.  

But man alive, reading Jen's words made something inside of me resonate.  And thus, I'm blogging at 4 AM.  Makes perfect sense really!  LOL. Wow though - women can do hard things.  If there's grace.  If He's calling you out on the waters.  If there's a yes inside of you that's aching to become a small step forward.  

You, my friend, can do hard things.  

You were made for an adventure.  You were made to be stretched.  You were made to be alive.  You were made to change the atmosphere around you - whether that atmosphere is your home, your office or some crazy mix of the two.  

I had a mom that I really respect recently comment to me in person about my blogging.  She is a mom of many more humans than two and she had read one of my recent posts.  She was asking me how I was doing in the adjustment to two and mentioning that she had read the blog about my desire to get back on board with the weekly blogging.  (Ahem.  That didn't happen last week.  One step at a time!)  She looked at me and smiled and said "Abi....."  There wasn't a lot more than that but it carried a warning.  Don't push yourself too hard right now.  Don't put more demand on yourself than is healthy.  All from a place of love.  Sincerely!  I appreciate her so much and continue to glean mentoring from her by just watching how she raises great kids.  But, you know, women can do hard things.  We can't do all the hard things at one time.  Sometimes blogging does feel hard.  Sometimes I feel crazy for clicking away.  For making time to do that.  For pushing myself to connect more deeply with what's inside of me that can come up and out.  And, FOR THE LOVE, for doing so at 4 AM!!!!!!!!!!

But, it's my thing of obedience.  It's my thing, girl, and it does really thrill my heart.  Because it's a step.  It's a step towards something that is deep inside of me.  It pushes me!  I may not have the bandwidth to sit down and start writing that book but I can push in this incremental way.  

You have a thing.  I promise you.  Please don't feel guilt if you don't know what that thing is.  And if now is not the season for you to even take a step towards it, own that.  Allow peace, contentment and trust to be your's if you're reading these words but know that you know you're right where you're supposed to be and not taking those steps forward is obedience.  But, if something is stirring and you can't shake it.........take a step.

And now, I'm going back to sleep.  If I hit the sack right now, I can get in another hour and a half.  Livin' the dream!  

I'm inspired by you.  I'm challenged.  And I'm all stirred up.  Thanks a lot Jen Hatmaker :).

Love y'all,
Abi

P.S.  And duh, men can do hard things too.  I speak to a woman's perspective but I is one :).  

Pressing In...First Thoughts

Heeeeeey! Word from a tired person on a wild Saturday night! It's 8:16pm. Blog Friday has become my Saturday night endeavor and I'm once again trying to prop the eyelids open as I blog. Livin' the dream! But really...I am :).

On a totally unrelated note (which may happen a lot in this post because I'm tired) - my writing partner tonight is Jimmy Fallon. I just really really appreciate him in my life. Z and I were talking the other day and determined that JF is actually an integral part of our life. He's the one show we watch together consistently. Let's be honest - sometimes I get my news through him...not proud of it but I'm a tired new mom. Jimmy Jimmy. You're truly hilarious and you make me LOL - literally. And now he's helping me write. What a pal, as he would say.

Last week, I mentioned that I have been pondering 'pressing into God' recently. It seems like that concept of pressing has been on my heart over the course of this year. Sometimes my brain is funny. This time, it's like the phrase runs over and over in my mind and I just hear the words. It's one of those phrases so familiar in Christian culture that I don't even think about it much when I hear it. And then it hits me, 'wait - what does that even mean???' 'What does God want me to get from that phrase?' And then we have to be honest about phrases we've heard forever and say....'Where is it in the Word of God?' And so this concept of pressing in has been that thing that's been messing with me. I don't think I've got anything to share that is going to rock your world, but I do hope your heart finds itself encouraged as you read.

Out of all of my pondering, there is one thing that keeps standing out. And it's this simple truth I think lines up with the heart of God:

Abi, you cannot press into me more than I am pursuing you. You cannot out-effort me. You cannot one up me. This IS NOT one sided. In fact, you may think you're initiating with me but the big truth is that I initiate absolutely everything first. I'm first. Always. I loved you first. I knew you first. So don't get all worked up into striving when you hear the phrase 'press in.' Don't work up a sweat. Pressing in is a simple response to the truth that I am pursuing you before you even wake in the morning.

I'm not trying to present theology or that these are the words of God that I heard audibly. Just what has been stirring inside of me.

Pressing into Him is not about knocking down the door of a God who would rather not be bothered. It's not about working hard to get His attention.

It IS about saying, 'No matter what today, I will press past distraction. I will decide to respond to the one who is already pursuing me. I will listen without fear of silence. I will quiet my soul to know that you are God and you are here.'

Pressing in is a response, not our initiation towards Him. That kind of changes things for me.

Thank you for graciously reading my tired thoughts tonight. I have a feeling I'll come back to this post when my brain, eyes, heart and soul are more fresh. But it just felt important to move forward with what I could tonight.

Goodnight my friend...hope your weekending has been wonderful so far,
Abi

The New Normal: Labored Breathing

Dear You,

I.  MISS. YOU.  Truly, madly, for real.  At the moment, my eyelids are propped up by a cup of coffee overheated by 20 seconds....ie scalding.  It's the cup o' joe that accompanies me through the day.  Who knows how many times it revisits the microwave.  Who knows.  At the moment, one boy is sleeping and one boy isn't.  Question - why aren't wet nurses still a thing?

My fingers itch to type and talk with you, it's the brain that's struggling to keep up!  My brain is half on and half off..... I have said some truly ridiculous things in the past six weeks.  How has it been six weeks since September 29???  The boy who looked like this:

Now looks like this:

I've said it before and I'll say it again, baby boys are delicious.  I feel so honored to have these two under our roof and under our wings. Who knows if I'll ever have experience as a girl mom, but I relish the two precious boys God has trusted me with.  Now....sometimes I question His mental stability if He looked at me and actually said 'Yep - let's trust her with human lives.'  LOL!  I jest.  But really.  Now more than ever, I feel so far from perfect.  Also more okay with that but still far far far away from perfection.  I've heard people say that the transition from one to two is more challenging than two to three.  Let's HOPE that's true!

Want to know a funny?  I just started hearing a rushing bubbling sound and my brain was so perplexed.  I thought it was the ice maker in the freezer.  Then it occurred to me that our ice maker doesn't currently work.  Then I just thought it was the refrigerator (pronounced fidgalator if you're a three year old living in this house).  Then I smelled food.  So I turned around.  Oh yeah!  I was warming up soup for lunch!  Who knew?!  It's now scalding (much like the aforementioned coffee) and has been boiling for who knows how long.  Eh.  I'll eat it anyways!  Such a perfect little insight into the functioning of my brain, yay!

Watching brother so intently:

I'm aching to get back into the swing of blogging every Friday.  Mostly, I think, because it's something that I can focus on that doesn't involve keeping people alive for just 30 minutes.  As honest as I am about how challenging I find this season and this transition, I have to be honest and say that the hard factor has gone way up but the reward/love factor has gone up even higher.  I LOVE being a mom.  It is even better the second time around, in my personal opinion.  It is way better!  The transition from zero to one child is such a shock to the system.  Your whole life is turned upside down and nothing remains the same.  Your precious bundle makes you feel all kinds of depths of love never before felt, but your life is lost more each month and the new life of being parents establishes itself more each month.  And it's hard!  Wonderful and hard.  I have loooooved being a mom to our second baby because even the deep down hard moments of sleep deprivation, you know you're going to make it.  I know it will be better tomorrow.  That coffee will help.  That He will give me what I need to keep going.  With Liam, I think I truly had (moments of) doubting whether or not I could actually sustain the level of commitment it took to be mommy.  Not long term doubting, but definite panic at a few particular moments!  It's a joy to be able to just love your baby and to not fight the hard parts as much.  It's a joy to be able to look at my bounding, chatty, funny three year old and to be reminded that each phase passes so quickly and that even the hard ones are beautiful because they are life.  And it's TRULY wonderful to feel more proud of myself this time around.

I was working in an office full time when I had Liam.  I loved my job and the people I had the pleasure of working with.  Great experience.  I felt proud of my work there because I worked hard, did challenging things and found excellence.  Being a mom was just a different kind of hard and it took me some time (especially after becoming a full time stay at homer a year later) to feel like I was doing hard work.  Not less important work, but there was something about the specific challenge of my professional work that made me feel valid.  Well, I'm  here to tell you, that inner dilemma is gone gone gone.  I am really proud even on the days when my make up belongs to yesterday, I haven't gotten dressed really, and I can't remember the answer to 'what's your favorite movie?' (granted that's a complicated answer: Anne of Green Gables/Pride and Prejudice/You've Got Mail/The Bourne Trilogy/etc).  Even when I look like this:


I am proud.  (Took this pic just before I started typing - unwashed face and the need for a shower is very real).  Because I know that I'll get back to the point of being able to get myself dressed and them dressed in the same day.  Today, we shared some bear hugs, I refrained from having a meltdown (win), I got to look deeply into the big blue eyes of Shepherd and tell him how much I love him, Liam had a piggy back ride on me that made him laugh with abandon and call me his horsey, I got to share time with a friend that means so much to me, and I have worked hard.  I've worked hard at loving, at keeping sweet boys alive, at sharing with a friend, at remembering my husband and how hard he works for our family, and oh yes, I've turned off the water to our dishwasher to stop a leak from continuing.  Now that's impressive.

So my new normal is starting to be discovered.  It's edging up over the horizon and I like it.  I'm beyond thankful for the gift of two children. Two lives!  Wow. And could they be more precious?  No.  Even in the way challenging moments, no they could not be more precious or valuable.

The new normal makes my breathing labored every single day.  It makes me pant lol!  But it's good because I am pressing in.  These two are my mantras in this season:

2 Corinthians 2:9  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."

I try to let those roll over inside of me again and again and again.  

I love you for reading.  For connecting with me.  I wish you could tell me how the past few weeks have been in your life!  Have you had any great coffee?  Any truly good chocolate?  These are the things I need to know, friends. Has He been teaching you anything in the quiet places of your thoughts?  



I'm going to put together some more thoughts on the realities of pressing in for next Friday.  If you have any thoughts on that topic - please reach out to me!  I'd love to hear of your experience.  

Much love and happy weekending y'all,
Abi The Tired